a sudden thought make me grow up

what happen to us recently? we din have a good talk for two weeks already. Within these two weeks, whenever i calling u, u nvr ans. even u ans me, the first thing u said to me is ' i m bz now, what's up'? then, u hang up my call. feeling hurt abt it. u nvr reply my msg or gv me a msg. i complaint. no matter how bz u r, sure u have time to short rest, eating, bathing, shiting... yet, u wont use ur time to gv me a msg to let me know u still there, rmb me eventhough how bz u r.

crying in nite~sleeplessness~insomnia~no fren(still in sem break, all bek home already)~no 'little baby' here(of coz is my lovely puppy)~juz move in a new house~facing problem adapting the new environment~feeling strange w the new housemate~having relationship problem with u~feeling of being abandon~neglected~

all the things seems pushing towards depression

life seems meaningless~nothg to do~except wasting my time on sleep, eat, shit, sleep, n missing u~sleep, eat, shit, sleep, n missing u~~~~~ keep on repeating all the step of life~rather than that, nothg to do~juz wait~wait the passing of time~then miss u again~sometime having an impulse to end my life~(of coz i wont do that la~my ego tell me cant do dat~)

chanting to pray our relationship becomes better~chanting we can tolerant each other, faithful, ~chanting for u to become success in ur career~juz wanna to spend my life with u~

perhaps, my anxiety make u feel irritating to me~u start to avoid me~

as i know, if want to have evolution and changes to the current situation, chanting and praying are not enuf for that~we need to have learn, practice, and chant to have 'luck' (means blessed)~LEARN: to change myself, my inner state of viewing things, and plus learn how to challenge when face problems wisely~PRACTICE: practice all the learned things~CHANT: chant to be blessed if there is any unexpected things happen,u r blessed to have the luck so that things will not that worse.

i need to change my attitude~as what i learned, although it seems an 'old' thinking to the new generation, i think it is the most important virtue to a lady. that is, the virtue of a lady is tolerance, accetence, understanding. tolerant to all the weaknesses of ur beloved bcus there is no one is perfect in the world~however, the capacity of tolerant of human being is limited as what u all know, practicing tolerance is a difficult task that no everyone can achieve this~so...i learn not to merely blindly tolerate, i accept them when i understand him~understand the reason of why he doing so~then accept them if reasonable~if there is possible, choose a time to have a dialog abt what is wrong and what need to change.

i do analysis abt it. i choose to believe u love me. as what we all know, faith is the most important element to maintain a healthy relationship. i believe u r struggle hard for the bussiness. there is too many reasons you need to do so. it's not simple life, and hard, u need to sacrifice ur time, ur holiday, and even ur reputation when u join the business. u might sacrifice our love if i m not understanding u. there is too many things we need to challenge in the future. a lot of obstacles in front of us. it sounds not worth to work for this business. i angry abt u not discuss with me. after a rational thought, i guess i know ur reason. u din sms, ans me call and not discuss w me bcus u scare i will be disturbing u. i might disrupt ur mind, disrupt u from doing a best decision and do the things u actually want. u r a person will think carefully before having a changes. i should faith on u.

economic corruption happen~ it is not easy to get a good job. but, i know u need to earn money for the survival. of coz, based on ur quality, there a lot job and business partners are wanting u. u know there is some possibilities to ur final sem result, if good thing happen, u can graduate proudly. or vise versa. u know it. it might influence u when u get a job. actually u told me abt that, i din listen ur words carefully. plus, u do this because of me as well. ur location with me is near if u take the business. u might not be able to accompany me for one or two mth, but it is seasoning. u'll become free and easier after the crucial period.

hope my judgement and understanding abt yours are not wrong. perhaps, there is too many your reasons i din mention, i hope we can challenge together. we can sublimate our relationship to the compassionate love which is the essential for long term relationship. Be a knowledgeable but wisely person, and be there with you.